For this Friday night treat, I thought I'd share a little story my brother sent me years ago. I hosted this on my website at first, but I thought it would fit better here :) Enjoy!
The Craziest Woman to Ever be Crazy
by
Cojiro
(What follows is a transcript of a real phone call taken by my brother, Cojiro. All true, except names and private information have been altered)
May 9, 2008
3:45pm – 4:10pm
Cojiro: Thank you for—
Woman: (interrupting) –customer service at the bank!?
*
Cojiro: Excuse me?
Woman: Is this customer service at Trustus Bank?
*
Cojiro: Yes. This is customer service, my name is Cojiro. How may I help you today?
Woman: How can I be sure that this is actually the bank and not the market trying to scam me?
*
Cojiro: Well, you know that number you just called? 1-555-555-5055? That reaches a live operator at the customer service line for the bank.
Woman: Okay. I just got out of the Lucky Market and the woman ran my check through really quickly, but I wanted to pay with my food stamps instead so she charged me twice. I took the check and ripped it up, but is there any possibility that they already got my money from my account? I mean, they are trying to double-dip my account and that’s just wrong.
*
Cojiro: Sure; I can help you with that. May I have you account number please?
Woman: Yes it’s 4264-67263-0
*
Cojiro: Thank you, one moment please.
(Enters number)
May I have your name please?
Woman: Uh, well, why should I tell you that? Why don’t you tell me what you see there?
*
Cojiro: I just need to verify that you are really you so I can’t disclose any information until you give me your information.
Woman: Well, something’s fishy about all this, but okay. My name is [name deleted].
*
Cojiro: Thank you. May I have the last four of your social?
Woman: 5000
*
Cojiro: Thank you Ms. [name deleted]. What I can do for you today is place a stop payment on the check so it won’t come out of the account. Fortunately you called before 8pm so we still have time. Do you have the check number?
Woman: There’s not gonna be a charge right? Because there’s no way I’m gonna get charged twice when it’s not my fault.
*
Cojiro: Well, there is a $20 charge for placing the stop payment to make sure the check you said the woman grabbed from you doesn’t clear the account.
Woman: Are you kidding me? $20 to stop a check? No sir. I’m not gonna do it. You shouldn’t even charge me since this isn’t my fault at all.
*
Cojiro: Well it’s your choice after all. Since you said you received the check and tore it up you may be fine, but—
Woman: So you’re tellin’ me that those crooks are gonna get my money and they got my food stamps if I don’t give you $20?
*
Cojiro: If you don’t place a stop payment and you are concerned that the woman ran your check through, then yes, they will get the funds both times.
Woman: No, no, no, no. I don’t think so. If anyone should pay, it’s those crooks at Lucky Market! I mean, they’re double dipping my account. Why should I have to pay you $20?
*
Cojiro: Well this seems like a problem you may be able to take up with the manager of the Lucky Market. If this woman did disrespect your wishes and charged you twice—
Woman: She was the manager. She had a pin on saying so. And then the funny thing was the 1st time she ran the transaction through, she got $67.44, but then when she did it again for the food stamps she got a different total for the cents. Like 55 cents. And there her workers were just egging her on to quickly scan the food and confuse me so I wouldn’t know they were trying to scam me.
*
Cojiro: There has to be a manager above her. Maybe you could see a Store Manager. Or if that doesn’t work, you could talk to her Regional Manager.
Woman: You know what? I’m going to get to the bottom of this. I’m gonna call Scotland Yard and get an officer to investigate.
*
Cojiro: (stifles laughter)
Woman: And you know, I’m gonna call, uh, what’s it called? The international police men, the…
*
Cojiro: Interpol?
(Stifling more laughter)
Woman: Interpol, yes! And they will get all this sorted out. I’ve got their direct line and all I gotta do is dial them up.
*
Cojiro: Okay, well it seems like you have things sorted out on your end. So will you be doing the stop payment or not?
Woman: Instead of paying you my $20, I think I’m going to hire a detective to follow my sister Tracy, who really isn’t my sister, around because she’s the cause of all this.
*
Cojiro: (Motions to co-workers that this woman is crazy)
Woman: Then I’ll follow these crooks, all of them and find out, um, why you all are doing this to me.
*
Cojiro: Okay…Is there anything else that’s bank-related I can help you with?
Woman: No and you know what? All of you are in on this together and I’m gonna have the investigator follow you all around.
*
Cojiro: (Chuckles) Okay…umm…
Woman: You think it’s funny? That I’m kidding?
*
Cojiro: No. I just don’t appreciate being threatened.
Woman: Oh, no, no, no. I’m not threatening you directly, I’m just telling you all that I will get to the bottom of all this and that I won’t let you take my money like that. You and the Lucky Market are in cahoots on this one and I won’t let you double dip my account like this.
*
Cojiro: I assure you, we have noth—
Woman: No, no. It’s alright. I know what I have to do.
*
Cojiro: Okay. Is there anything else I can—?
Woman: No. ♪ Thank you. Have a nice day. ♪
*CLICK*
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